Why does a Child become a Bully?

What are the characteristics of a child who oppresses and the family environment that makes him a child who bullies?

When you hear the word "bullying", many people generally think of the bullied side. However, if you think calmly, there is always a child who is bullied when there is a child who is bullied. Parents need to know the world of bullying their children so that their children do not become bullies or bullies. This time, I will explain the characteristics of the child who oppresses and the family environment where he becomes a child who bullies.

Essential characteristics of the oppressing child

Bullying is easy to see, and there are countless specific examples. However, any bullying has three essential causes that are common to bullying children.

1. I want to secure my own safety and security

First of all, as human psychology, there is a habit of aiming for a place where you can feel at ease and where you can ensure psychological safety. In many cases, a child who oppresses is constantly under stress, such as having no place to stay at home due to domestic violence, or being scolded even after returning home and having no experience of being praised. Humans recognize that a place where you are in a state of continuous stress is a place where you feel dangerous.Therefore, we will look for a stress-free place as a safe place. However, there is a risk of stress everywhere. Therefore, by standing on top of others and using violence and other bullying, they are trying to reduce the risk of being bullied or stressed by someone. In this way, in order to prevent anyone from stressing, the bullying child is trying to obtain an environment that is not stressed by himself using the means of "bullying" others.

2. I want to release stress

Earlier, I mentioned that you are getting a safe environment by using the means of bullying because you feel dangerous when you are stressed by your parents. It goes without saying that you can get a safe and secure environment, but children who are given a great deal of stress from their parents and teachers will be bullied by people who are weaker than themselves as a destination to dissipate the stress. It may also diverge.

3. The child who oppresses has low self-affirmation

Most bullies, regardless of what they are bullying, are characterized by low self-affirmation. Self-affirmation means that you can recognize the value of your existence that "you are needed by someone else" in your life, and all your good and bad points. You can affirm, in short, you are a positive person. A child with low consciousness will be bullied. Bullying children often have problems with their family environment, are under great pressure from their parents, and are often despised compared to other children.

A home environment where a child becomes a bully

Deny the child

Denying a child includes not only direct words such as "bad child" and "unable child", but also ignoring the child's feelings and imposing the wishes of the parents. As a parent, you think "thinking for your child", but doing everything your child does will deprive your child of their independence. In a sense, a situation that does not respect the will of the child will deny the child. It is also a denial to interrupt or pretend to talk to a child because he is busy with work or cannot afford it.

Over-protection/over-interference by parents

It is very important to love and benevolent to your child, but not to spoil it. If the child is given the highest priority and accepts and forgives the self, it becomes natural for the child to pass his / her opinion, and the character becomes uncertain. Also, if parents interfere too much, such as proactively supporting anything, the child will not develop the ability to solve problems on their own. As a result, when things go wrong, you put responsibility around you.

Indifference about children

Contrary to overprotection, you can become a child who oppresses you because of your indifference to your child. Children feel lonely in an environment where they spend less time with their children because their parents are busy and cannot communicate well. As a reaction to that, they attack children who are well-loved for their relationships with their parents.

Married couple with bad relationships

A life in which a father and mother are not on good terms and talk about each other's bad words puts a lot of stress on the child. A family that quickly becomes quarreled and has poor communication can become restless and unstable in a space that is uncomfortable for children. When I see my parents swearing at each other, I blame myself for saying, "It's my fault that my dad and mom don't go well," or I'm worried that I'll get angry next time. There are also children who restrain themselves and force themselves to play "good boys" so that their parents can get along well. The stress is released outside the house.

To prevent my child from becoming a bullied child

There is always a reason for a child to bully. And the reason for this is that the family environment and relationships with parents have a great influence. So, instead of blaming the child unilaterally, you may repeat it over and over again if you don't solve the problem from the root of why you bullied. It is important to think that it is not only the child who is bad to become a child who oppresses, and to make efforts such as changing the environment together with the parents so that they can become gentle children.