Toxic Parents

What are toxic parents that have an adverse effect on their grandchildren?This time it's a little serious story. Do you know about the "toxic parent", which is a social problem in the world? The toxic parent problem is more serious because a person raised by a toxic parent becomes a toxic parent for his or her child. This time, we will introduce the characteristics of the toxic parent and the person raised by the toxic parent, what kind of child-rearing and thinking should be done to become the toxic parent, and how to graduate from the toxic parent.What is a toxic parent?Toxic parents are parents who dominate or hurt their children's lives. With that in mind, parents have many ways to control their children. In some cases, parents unknowingly raise their children to their parents' obedience. Unfortunately, the toxic parent who controls the child only thinks he is doing the right thing, so he rarely realizes he is a toxic parent. On the other hand, as children grow up, their environment changes and their relationships expand, and they gradually begin to realize that their parents are poison parents. However, there are times when you realize that you are a poison parent after you become an adult, and for some children you cannot accept the fact that you are a poison parent. And the parent-child relationship becomes more complicated.Check the characteristics of a person raised by a toxic parentFirst, let's check the characteristics of what kind of adult a person raised by a toxic parent will be.I'm not confident in myself and my self-esteem is lowPeople who are raised by the toxic parent often have the experience of being denied themselves by the toxic parent. If something goes wrong, some parents will overly blame the parent for failure, and in the worst case, even attack the child's personality. Due to the influence of these toxic parents, self-evaluation cannot be maintained high since childhood, so they tend to be less confident in their opinions or have extremely low self-evaluation.Suppress emotionsPeople who have been raised by the toxic parent have been uncertain about their opinions since they were small. Since I have always respected the opinions of my parents, I have the characteristic of holding back my feelings and opinions and always prioritizing the opinions of those around me.I can't trust my close partnerFor example, people tend to be unreliable from the bottom of their hearts, saying to their lover, "If you bother me, you will be disliked," "I think you will be thrown away someday," and "Why do you love yourself?" There is. Therefore, it seems that there are many people who have trouble with romance and relationships.Easy to depend onMany people who grew up without trusting their parents have a strong desire to trust others. Therefore, they tend to be extremely dependent on people who have a sense of trust, such as friends and lovers. It also has the characteristic of trying to get people to recognize themselves because it asks the dependents to take the place of their parents. Also, if you try to get away from yourself even a little, it seems that there are many cases where you strongly bind your dependents. People are not the only dependents. Sometimes I try to fill my unfulfilled mind with something that can satisfy my mind, such as shopping. As a result, every time they try to fill their hearts, they go shopping, which can become uncontrollable and lead to “shopping addiction”.Six Characteristics of the Toxic Parent and ChecklistThe definition of a toxic parent is ambiguous, and it can be difficult to identify a toxic parent because the type of toxic parent gives the child different types of poison. However, in order to judge that you are a poison parent or yourself, it is easier to be confident that you are a poison parent if the following three characteristics of the poison parent apply. The characteristics of the Toxic Parent are as follows.1. Manage childrenWe do not choose the means to bring the child closer to our ideals. A strong desire to not entrust his child is what the toxic parent does. The behavior of the toxic parent who tends to do this is as follows.- Restrict children's behavior- Talk about children's clothes and hobbies- Toxic parents respond to what the child should doIn addition, since the child also knows the toxic parent's speculation, he plays a "good child" for self-defense in front of the toxic parent. However, because he hides his true feelings from the toxic parent, he may change his response in front of the toxic parent and in front of others.2. Imposing values ​​on childrenToxic parents are unusually concerned about the world and are reluctant to leave their children out of the world. This is because, for the toxic parent, "children's evaluation = parent's evaluation", so if the child's evaluation is low, the parent's pride will be hurt. Therefore, the toxic parent constantly observes the child and tries to correct the child's behavior to an excessive extent by scolding him when he finds a problem. The behavior of the toxic parent who tends to do this is as follows.- Don't listen to children- Ignore children's feelings and criticize their values- Do not recognize a child as a person (treat it as a parent's property)3. Do not let go even if the child grows upToxic parents want to stay with what their children think they need. This is because the toxic parent's self-affirmation is low, and the more dependent the child is on the toxic parent, the higher the self-affirmation. Toxic parents have little experience of being "relied on" or "needed" by someone. The child is the only one who recognizes the value of the toxic parent, so I can't think of letting go. Since any means can be used to retain the child, the above management. The words and actions that lead to domination will become more prominent.- Continue to control and control your child's behavior- Preventing children from leaving their parents by all means- The toxic parent himself rubs the child with problems to be solved4. Over-interfere with childrenToxic parents are not good at building relationships and do not understand the "appropriate sense of distance" with others. This is because the toxic parents are often raised as toxic parents, so they are often dependent on or banished from their parents, or have only built extreme relationships. The poorer the relationship, the more obsessed it is with the relationships it has built and the more it tries to hold them together by all means. The Toxic Parent believes that "whatever you do is forgiven" because your child is worth living. Therefore, if the toxic parent becomes over-interfered, it will be easier to take the following actions.- Make excessive demands on children- Closely monitor your child's belongings and schedule- Take away your child's free time- Ask your child persistent questions5. Abuse the childThe Toxic Parent wants to let his child know that he is in an advantageous position. That is because the ultimate goal of the toxic parent is "to make the child dependent on the parent." If your child wants to be separated from their parents, don't let them. Toxic parents do so much with a self-centered idea that "I just need to be myself." If your child is afraid of their parents and wants to build a master-slave relationship, then they have no choice. I said it as a rant, but there are many types. For example, the following statement.- "If you weren't even born"- "I want you to disappear"- "If you don't become a good boy, you don't know anymore."6. Violence against childrenIt's the same as "speaking to a child", and it's a method used when a poison parent wants to let his child know that he has an advantage. This is because violence from a young age has a tremendous effect not only on master-slave relationships but also on giving fear to children. Violence is one of the "disciplines" for the toxic parent. For children, the family is everything in the world, so it's easy for them to recognize that they have to endure whatever they do, and I don't think it's abnormal. Toxic parents are good at accepting any violence and exhausting their minds.- Violence against children- Ignore whatever your child is doing- Abandon child careWhat to do to avoid becoming a toxic parentA child raised by a toxic parent may also become a toxic parent. Because I only know the child-rearing that my parents gave me, I end up raising my own children in the same way. To prevent yourself from becoming a poison parent, consider the following remedies.Keep away from or insulate from the toxic parentEven if you rebel against the toxic parent, there is a high possibility that it will be suppressed. Consider courageously keeping a distance instead of confronting them. At the extreme, there is also a way to live a new life by insulating yourself from the toxic parent or changing your name in order to free yourself from being bound by the toxic parent. Think carefully about what is best for your child.Get specialized medical careI mentioned that it is important to keep a distance from the toxic parent, but some people may say, "I can't act easily" or "I don't know how to deal with it." In such cases, we recommend that you first receive specialized treatment and counseling. By getting advice from an expert, you may be able to find out how to deal with the toxic parent, alleviate your own worries raised by the toxic parent, and find a clue to the solution.Break the negative chain away from the toxic parentHow was the characteristics and checks of the parent raising? If you are worried that your parent may be a toxic parent, we recommend that you seek counseling and specialized treatment. The moment you are released from the curse of the Toxic Parent is the beginning of a new life. Keep a distance from the toxic parent for your own child and break the negative chain.